Growing up as an Air Force brat and, then as a military wife, this statement of truth was just a given. I grew up knowing about the sacrifices military men, women, and their families made every day and down through history. I knew that those sacrifices were not in vain as I daily enjoyed the freedoms my country offered me even when I disagreed with the decisions of those in power. This year as I waited in our small town park for the fireworks to begin I pondered a different kind of freedom that isn't free either.

As I was enjoying the peacefulness of our small town 4th of July celebration I recalled my wish to feel comfortable in my own body.I decided on my 50th birthday that though I looked calm on the outside my engine seemed to always be running on the inside. No one could see it but I could feel it.

As intelligent as I am about many issues when it comes to my own bodymind system, I still have a lot to learn.In the recent revised version of Women’s Bodies, Women’sWisdom Christiane Northrup, MD writes ‘consciousness creates the body, pure and simple…it is the part of us that chooses and directs our thoughts.Thoughts that are uplifting, nurturing and loving create healthy biochemistry and healthy cells, while thoughts that are destructive to self or others do the opposite.We are born with innate love and acceptance of our bodies.Over time, our bodies and states of health are molded by the habitual thoughts and beliefs …usually laid down in childhood. To improve our lives and our health and truly flourish, we must acknowledge the seamless unity between our beliefs, behaviors and physical bodies.Then we must critically examine, name and change any health-eroding beliefs and assumptions that we have unconsciously inherited and internalized from our parents and our culture.”I would add, we need to include an understanding of our intergenerational beliefs as well.

So how does this relate to freedom and feeling comfortable in my own body?The road to freedom is paved with the uncomfortable task of slowing down long enough to feel what you have been running from so you can heal it.Surviving my traumas did not heal them as I had believed.But this belief came from what I had learned from significant others who discounted and invalidated my felt experiences.To survive my connection to myself had to go underground.Through the daily repetitive conditioning denial became an unconscious way to handle my thoughts, feelings and bodily sensations.They stayed in the dark, and though known, to me stayed in the silence as my throat constricted whenever I tried to express them.The road to freedom was to feel the invisible hands of childhood conditioning threatening to choke me to death and say what I needed to say anyway.But not anywhere, would do.I had to find safety, support and understanding to coach and guide me through the bodily felt terror to theother side where I found freedom.

Freedom from unhealthy beliefs and assumptions is not free.It is a process of telling ourselves our truth with safe others who have traveled freedom’s road and can calmly and courageously bear witness as we express the pain within.These others can contain, honor, and validate what has been silenced.Our silence is the price we never should be required to pay.Giving voice is the payment for freedom.What that requires is a challenging journey but well worth it.My body tells me so.